Thursday, March 5, 2009

aaron.

one of my best friends died tonight. aaron huffstetler. we've been friends for about 16 years, and we shared a lot of memories and a lot of life together. he was a good man and a good husband and a good father. and he was the kind of man who just knew when to show up. he knew how to laugh, he knew how to open up his home, he knew how to be generous, and he knew how to be a good friend. he carried me in those quiet ways that only those who have logged a lot of years with you know how to do. he loved my music and came out to hear me play every time I had a gig. he came to my birthday parties. he had every record I've ever made, and he would talk to me about them. he had beautiful children, and I told him that every time I saw him.

I've lost a few best friends now, I really have, and to be honest, I'm really angry about it. and I'm really sad about it, too. I held aaron's widow, ashleigh, tonight, for a really long time. I told her I was so sorry. and I just stood there with her for a really long time as her body heaved in grief. I hugged aaron's parents and I told them I was sorry, too. I hugged my friend frank and I told him that if he dies that I am going to fucking lose it. and then I told him that I loved him. and then I went home and drank a bottle of wine and sat with my dogs and I've been playing piano (as frank predicted) for several hours now. brooke has been good to me. she has been quietly staying with me, even though I've been angry and upset and unkind to her.

tonight is a dark night. and I'm tired of people telling me that they are praying for me.

aaron was my friend, and he never fed me any bullshit like that.

thinking about that, and missing aaron, and weeping as I type.

and missing my friend.


10 comments:

kathryn thomas said...

i'm sorry, brian.

Charlotte said...

Oh, Brian... I'm so sorry and so saddened.

Anonymous said...

my heart is heavy

Stephen

CK said...

You'll get tired of people saying this to you, too, but: I'm so sorry, Brian. And I'm so sick and sorry for his family.

Clint Wells said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
the stones said...

I'm just so shocked and angry for y'all... and sad and angry again. I have no clue what to say... but "to aaron"... a really great friend to a lot of my friends.. I wish I had known him well.

Matthew said...

I lost a friend to suicide 3 years ago. It still hurts when I think of him...which I've been doing a lot lately. Your comments reminded me of him and of the sacredness of life, even life cut short. I remember sitting awake and thinking of things I wished I could tell him. It is still sinking in.

I grieve with you for your loss. I'm sorry Brian.

Curtis Palmer said...

Brian... this is a wonderful tribute.

Lindsey said...

i'm sorry, brian. i can't imagine what you must be feeling. your words about aaron were profound and very true.

Anonymous said...

Brian, thank you for your wonderful tribute to my lil brother. I have spent the day watching family and friends grieve for their loss and their pain and agony for Ashleigh and the girls. I feel your pain and anger, and with that I know that you are loyal to him. I spent 30 years with him and remember the day he came home from the hospital. He will always be my lil brother and I will miss him. Thank you for taking the time to honor him, because he was worthy and deserving. He did more good in 30 years than most of us do in a full lifetime. So, Brian I am so glad that you were able to count on him, and I am even more happier that he could count on you. With great respect. His Older Brother.