Wednesday, November 5, 2008

interview with barack obama

I was very fortunate to get to interview barack obama just this morning. amazing, considering his busy schedule. here is a transcript of our conversation:

BTM: thanks for meeting with me barack. I wondered if I could ask you a few questions.
BHO: no problem. glad I had some free time. I always enjoy talking to you.
BTM: thanks, funny you should say that since last time I saw you I almost got murdered by your security.
BHO: I don't know what you are talking about.
BTM: oh, cool. no worries. so, what I am wondering is, what are you going to do for me now that you are president?
BHO: well, I'm not president yet. george bush is still in office.
BTM: thanks for the political science lesson. please answer my question now.
BHO: well I was thinking I would take all of the money away from everybody and give all of the money to the poor.
BTM: weird. that's EXACTLY what all of my republican friends said you were going to do. amazing how right they are. I should start listening to them.
BHO: yes the conservative right is so wise, I have been saying that all along.
BTM: awesome. so, how are you going to take away all of the money from everybody?
BHO: well first I am going to stab all of the people with a knife, and then I will take their wallets as they are bleeding, and then I will just hand out the cash to whoever seems like they need it.
BTM: this is totally unexpected! everybody is expecting you to raise taxes. they won't even see it coming. genious.
BHO: you misspelled "genius".
BTM: one more point for you. good job. okay next question. what are you going to do about the war in iraq?
BHO: I am going to immediately withdraw and create total chaos and embarrassment for the united states.
BTM: oh, so the embarrassment will be on you, not on bush, who bombed babies and started the war in the first place?
BHO: exactly.
BTM: you are so humble. I love you.
BHO: thank you. I love you too. (at this point we are holding hands)
BTM: okay next question. what are you going to do about the economy?
BHO: as I have always said, I am going to create accountability in washington and wall street by setting up an oversight committee to look into how every person in america spends all of their waking moments, which will include a giant laser beam in the sky.
BTM: actually I don't think you ever said that.
BHO: no I always talk about the giant laser beam in the sky.
BTM: no, actually it is me who always talks about the laser beams (at this point we have stopped holding hands)
BHO: oh. well, these are the details. the point is there will be a giant laser beam and it will shoot people in the brains if they overspend.
BTM: this is genius. another point for you.
BHO: I have so many points.
BTM: yeah. okay. one last question: can I be secretary of state?
BHO: I thought you'd never ask. but no, you can't be secretary of state.
BTM: okay well I'm out of time barack. good luck with all of the planning and whatnot. congrats on the big win last night. let me know if I can ever help you out for maybe a special project or something.
BHO: I will definitely be calling you.


Dave said...

Nice. Very funny :)

shawn avery said...

barack h. obama is the man that brett easton ellis used to dream about. only in reverse.

a reverse amercian psycho.

ask clint.

sorry i missed the party. hopefully the projector worked well.

i'm back from the nyc marathon and i have this summary:

1. runners are geeky and obsessive and usually fast. my gf is really fast.

2. banksy is super cool and funny.

3. damien hirst is the new eric clapton. eric clapton used to be god... after god was god.

4. sex shops rely ALOT on the silicone industry.

5. every living human in brooklyn owns an obama shirt.


BrentR said...

Nice photoshop work to make that joint look like a normal cigarette.

The Shulls said...

I have one question... what is a laser beam?

carrie said...


Robert said...

That is just so typical of black people. Imagine what the property values on Pennsylvania avenue are going to do now. Every time we drive by there, we have to look at a fish fryer and six big wheels. The house be full of relatives that no one has seen or heard from in 20 years. Don't even mention the pink and purple drapes in the Lincoln bedroom. I hear Air Force One is going to be sporting some 22s on the landing gear. This is what American has come to!

The Sooz said...

You probably shouldn't let BHO get so many points next interview. Step up the game briantmurphy.

Jeff and Brandi Koonce said...

you are funny.

Brian T. Murphy said...

dave - thanks. BHO is a funny dude. no doubt.

shawn - the projector was brilliant. we talked about it for quite awhile, actually. also, I love banksy. he was in birmingham you know...

brentr - thanks I'm getting really good with the photoshop.

shulls - it is kind of like a finger, but hot.

carrie - good to hear from you. virtually. hope you are well...

robert - as usual I don't get what you are talking about. I think that is the most racist comment anybody has ever left on this blog.

sooz - I'm looking forward to next week's interview already. zero points BHO, all points BTM.

jeff and brandi - aww shucks.

Courtney said...

if you wrote a book, i would buy it.

Oprah said...

"...I have a dream that one day men will be judged not by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character..."

oops looks like we just elected a terrorist-mentored, racist-indoctrinated, Chicago-mob-supporter b/c of the color of his skin. i wonder what Dr. King would have said about our country violating his dream?

digeroo's said...

brian t. murphy, you make me giggle.