Wednesday, June 6, 2007

CJ = Homeless

This is my friend, her name is Carla Jean:

I call her CJ, or carla, but never carla jean, because 3 syllables for a first name is too much unless your name is stephanie, or mohammad.

CJ works with me at the place where I work, but I don’t write about my job much because I would like to actually keep my job.

CJ also goes to red mountain church, which means that she is not only homeless, she also has no pastor.

CJ also actually likes sports, which means that she is different than me. actually, there are several women at work who roll their eyes at me when sports comes up because they know that I am completely incapable of engaging them in a sports-related conversation. these women then sometimes punch me in the stomach, and I lay on the floor and cry, while they laugh at me and point and make jokes at me. actually, in the above photo, CJ is looking at me writhing in pain on the floor.

CJ also reads approximately 4,000 books per day. this is two tons of books, which is more than an elephant eats in an entire week. that’s a lot of books, people.

CJ listens to cool music, whereas I do not. just today, actually, I renewed my obsession for vanilla ice. When I was in college I used to hang out with a guy named king (real name – not made up) and we would watch the vanilla ice movie and it was awesome, and if you think I am joking just go to youtube and watch it for yourself and be amazed.

So why is CJ homeless? Well – I’ll tell you. it’s because of the government. first, they staged the lunar landing, then they made the earth warm, and now they are causing a drought in alabama and also robbing 20-somethings of their living quarters.

So. If anyone here knows of a good roommate for CJ, this is what she prefers and is looking for: female, small brain, messy, refuses to do dishes, late on rent, loud, has lots of parties with obnoxious friends, and only reads US magazine.

Actually – ignore everything in the above preferences except “female”, and lets hook a friend up. lets turn theworstweblogintheworld into something good. together, we can do this, I am sure.

17 comments:

e* said...

i have some space on my roof-deck. i'm sure we could work something out. it's pretty nice up there at night.

Rae Whitlock said...

CJ is alright with me.

Carla said...

I think perhaps no one else thinks this is as funny as I do.

Brian T. Murphy said...

e - that is a superb option.

rae - good to know!

carla - I know. sheesh. I thought the bit about 3-syllable mohammad was hilarious.

Carla said...

I laughed. Really hard, actually.

King said...

Murph, Cool as Ice is one of the greatest motion pictures of our generation. I will not allow you make fun of such classic lines as "Hey yo cat, so what's up wit tomorrow?" and "Drop that zero and get with the hero!"

King

King said...

Also, I cannot help out CJ, as my wife would probably not go for that, but I do own Cool As Ice on VHS, and you can borrow it if you beg.

Brian T. Murphy said...

king - "cool as ice" is no doubt, a fine film. best scene is the one-hit door knock when ice arrives to pick up his lady. no need to borrow - they are currently working towards a DVD release. I will pre-order for sure.

Brian T. Murphy said...

come on people!

no assistance for the homeless CJ? I really hoped theworstweblogintheworld might pull through.

Courtney said...

I have a friend moving to the Ham at the end of June.

Carla said...

Courtney, tell us more about your friend! (I am not in a hurry. July is fine. Heck, August is fine. September is probably the latest I would REALLY want to go.)

Courtney said...
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Courtney said...
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Julie-Anne said...

I seriously laughed all through this post!

King said...

Murph, glad we could go down memory lane here on your blog, that someone else randomly told me about you had mentioned my name. Let's get together soon and watch cool as ice, and maybe break one of Matt's doors.

~2 the extreme I rock the mic like a vandal. Light up the stage and wax a chump like a candle.~

peace.

Carla said...

Tonight I was totally recognized as "that homeless girl." I just thought you should know.

Brian T. Murphy said...

courtney and carla - I'm glad that theworstweblogintheworld could bring the two of you together.

julie-anne - glad you enjoyed the post about people with 3 syllables in their names. I was afraid nobody noticed how hilarious that was.

king - admit it. you refresh this weblog like 7 times a day.

carla - well, that is not too surprising. way too many people read here. you are basically a famous person now.